My blog is taking a new turn. In December 2015 our lives were forever changed. I wrote this back then as things were unfolding. I was emotional, hurt, terrified, confused and angry at what had happened to us.
December 2015:
A month ago we were happy, getting ready to celebrate Christmas. The girls were excited, we were excited. Joy was in the air. Jeff and I bought Christmas gifts for our 3 princesses.
A month ago we were happy, getting ready to celebrate Christmas. The girls were excited, we were excited. Joy was in the air. Jeff and I bought Christmas gifts for our 3 princesses.
Little did we know what was lurking around the corner. The devil had been busy scheming, waiting and ready to destroy our family.
I was taken off guard when this all happened. But there were warning signs that, in the excitement of Christmas, I overlooked them.
I started noticing small things at first. He stopped wearing his wedding band because he suddenly claimed, "it did not fit anymore". I did not really put much thought into it until other little things were noticed. He was grumpy with us ALL of the time. That wasn't anything new because he was always grouchy. But now he was even grouchier, if that is possible, I thought it was the stress of the Holidays coming up.
He was never home. He would get home from work and always had to go somewhere. He'd be gone until very late hours into the night leaving the girls and I alone.
When he was home he would constantly be in the bathroom with his cell phone. I thought he had stomach issues. Then I noticed he would he changed his passwords on our computer. Why? What did he have to hide from me? This was very odd. I caught him, several times, deleting text messages. I asked him who he was texting and he would say it was none of my business. Okay....
There was a disagreement I had with one of the "owners" of the church. Jeff took HER side. She and her family believe they "own" that church.
I was forced to attend a meeting, at the church, regarding this disagreement. I was verbally assaulted, slandered, screamed at and put down by every person at that meeting. One man and woman got up in my face SCREAMING at me. Jeff just sat there and allowed this verbal abuse to continue. I was crying and terrified because I was alone. I ran out of the church and fell down the stairs. I was hurt emotionally now physically. He came out and grabbed me by the arm and said, "Come on we're going back in and let them finish!" I cried NO! Then I started screaming for help. I tried to get away from him. He finally let go of me and took me home.
That night the girls and I stayed with a friend because I was afraid of him. I accidentally forgot my purse at the house that night. When we got home the next day I realized my debit card and my van keys were GONE! I tried calling Jeff to see if he had them. He would not answer my calls. The kids were hungry and we needed groceries. I had no way of going anywhere and paying for anything to feed my children. Thankfully I found some bread and a little peanut butter and that is what I fed them.
Later that night the girls and I were in my bedroom watching "Friends" we were relaxed and having fun watching our favorite show. All the sudden the doorbell rang and rang. Someone was pounding on our front door. This scared the girls and I. We walked into the foyer and bright lights flooded the area. I opened the door and two police officers and paramedics were standing there. I was scared and confused as to why they were at our house. The police officer told me that my husband called and reported that I threatened to kill my children. I could not even comprehend the words he had just said to me. I broke down, my knees buckled and I told the officers that I never made such a threat and I would NEVER make such a threat. My children are my life, my world. The officer spoke with my two oldest children who were standing there hysterically crying. They told him that daddy lied because mommy never even spoke to him. Hailee even told the officer to arrest Jeff because he was mean to us. The officer asked me what she meant by that. I did not want to stoop to Jeff's level and I regrettably said, "Nothing it's nothing." They realized I was not a threat to them, myself or anyone else and they left. The officer even apologized to me.
After they left pain shot across my chest. Horrible pain. I could not catch my breath and I was feeling light headed. The next thing I knew I had fainted. My 14 year old daughter was screaming for me to wake up. I woke up hearing her screams. She had put cold cloths on my head and neck. I got up and felt sick the rest of the night.
The next morning my cousin showed up took one look at me and took me straight to the ER. I was still feeling the horrible chest pains and had breathing issues. I was admitted and tests were ran to see if I suffered a heart attack. I spent 2 days in the hospital and Jeff never called, he never checked up on our daughters. He simply did not care.
During my stay he went on a calling campaign to my parents and sister. He called them and tried to turn them against me. He told them lies about me that my parents KNEW were not true. He even told them that I had 24 hours to be out of HIS house. He told them that the church bought that house for HIM to live in NOT ME. So my dad got right into his car and drove 6 hours to get me and the girls. Luckily I was discharged from the hospital the day he arrived. He took us home with him. We stayed with my parents.
Jeff decided that his church he ministered at was far more important than our nearly 20 year marriage. I know that in scripture that God says you should put HIM(GOD) first, Spouse second, family third and job last. He put us last. Last, how do I comprehend that we are last to him? How do I explain to our 3 little girls why daddy left us? How do I make them understand it was not their fault? How do we survive without him?
He was never home. He would get home from work and always had to go somewhere. He'd be gone until very late hours into the night leaving the girls and I alone.
When he was home he would constantly be in the bathroom with his cell phone. I thought he had stomach issues. Then I noticed he would he changed his passwords on our computer. Why? What did he have to hide from me? This was very odd. I caught him, several times, deleting text messages. I asked him who he was texting and he would say it was none of my business. Okay....
There was a disagreement I had with one of the "owners" of the church. Jeff took HER side. She and her family believe they "own" that church.
I was forced to attend a meeting, at the church, regarding this disagreement. I was verbally assaulted, slandered, screamed at and put down by every person at that meeting. One man and woman got up in my face SCREAMING at me. Jeff just sat there and allowed this verbal abuse to continue. I was crying and terrified because I was alone. I ran out of the church and fell down the stairs. I was hurt emotionally now physically. He came out and grabbed me by the arm and said, "Come on we're going back in and let them finish!" I cried NO! Then I started screaming for help. I tried to get away from him. He finally let go of me and took me home.
That night the girls and I stayed with a friend because I was afraid of him. I accidentally forgot my purse at the house that night. When we got home the next day I realized my debit card and my van keys were GONE! I tried calling Jeff to see if he had them. He would not answer my calls. The kids were hungry and we needed groceries. I had no way of going anywhere and paying for anything to feed my children. Thankfully I found some bread and a little peanut butter and that is what I fed them.
Later that night the girls and I were in my bedroom watching "Friends" we were relaxed and having fun watching our favorite show. All the sudden the doorbell rang and rang. Someone was pounding on our front door. This scared the girls and I. We walked into the foyer and bright lights flooded the area. I opened the door and two police officers and paramedics were standing there. I was scared and confused as to why they were at our house. The police officer told me that my husband called and reported that I threatened to kill my children. I could not even comprehend the words he had just said to me. I broke down, my knees buckled and I told the officers that I never made such a threat and I would NEVER make such a threat. My children are my life, my world. The officer spoke with my two oldest children who were standing there hysterically crying. They told him that daddy lied because mommy never even spoke to him. Hailee even told the officer to arrest Jeff because he was mean to us. The officer asked me what she meant by that. I did not want to stoop to Jeff's level and I regrettably said, "Nothing it's nothing." They realized I was not a threat to them, myself or anyone else and they left. The officer even apologized to me.
After they left pain shot across my chest. Horrible pain. I could not catch my breath and I was feeling light headed. The next thing I knew I had fainted. My 14 year old daughter was screaming for me to wake up. I woke up hearing her screams. She had put cold cloths on my head and neck. I got up and felt sick the rest of the night.
The next morning my cousin showed up took one look at me and took me straight to the ER. I was still feeling the horrible chest pains and had breathing issues. I was admitted and tests were ran to see if I suffered a heart attack. I spent 2 days in the hospital and Jeff never called, he never checked up on our daughters. He simply did not care.
During my stay he went on a calling campaign to my parents and sister. He called them and tried to turn them against me. He told them lies about me that my parents KNEW were not true. He even told them that I had 24 hours to be out of HIS house. He told them that the church bought that house for HIM to live in NOT ME. So my dad got right into his car and drove 6 hours to get me and the girls. Luckily I was discharged from the hospital the day he arrived. He took us home with him. We stayed with my parents.
Jeff decided that his church he ministered at was far more important than our nearly 20 year marriage. I know that in scripture that God says you should put HIM(GOD) first, Spouse second, family third and job last. He put us last. Last, how do I comprehend that we are last to him? How do I explain to our 3 little girls why daddy left us? How do I make them understand it was not their fault? How do we survive without him?
Why did he choose leave us? There is nothing that I did that was scriptural for him to leave us. I laid awake every night crying and praying out to God asking him WHY? I knew I wasn't the perfect wife. He always made sure to let me know that. Nothing I ever did was right. He criticized everything I did and said. Anything that would go wrong was automatically my fault or the kids fault. Nothing was ever his fault. The girls and I walked on eggshells around him in fear we would do or say something to anger him.
I know someday God will reveal the answers to me as to why this happened. I've begged Jeff for answers and he just mutters, "I am trying to live for Jesus." How is abandoning your family living for Jesus? Would Jesus leave us? No, because he loves us. How could a church KNOW their pastor abandoned his family and be ok with it?
How could he get up and preach each Sunday knowing how hurt his children and wife are? Who is this person? He is not the one I married 19 years ago. That Jeff is gone.
This is one Christmas my children will never forget no matter how hard they try. The Christmas daddy left us.
Now my children and I are trying to move on with our lives. He has proven that we are not important to him and that he is done with us. I've tried getting answers and he won't offer any. My children and I are now forced to move out of the home we've lived in for 6 years because it is the churches house. They will leave behind their clothes, toys, beds, friends, everything that they knew and loved.
We need to find a place to live. Its not going to be easy because I have health problems that prevents me from working a full-time job. My girls have always been homeschooled. They are devastated that they will have to enter public school now. But where? Where will we go?
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